Tag Archives: care giving

Happy Thanksgiving…. When will you die, damn it?

Happy Thanksgiving…. please die. Not a very nice thought is it?  I’d like to think it wasn’t me who had that thought Thanksgiving morning but it was. I would like to say it was because I had a sinus infection and was stressed trying to make a perfect holiday for my homecoming children, busy, stressed. Which is true. But all I could think of was the stench.  The stench of urine and shit saturated sheets. The panic of trying to get things cleaned up before my daughter awoke.  For her not to see her grandfather pee on the floor when his penis hit the air and me using washrags to clean his balls of the feces caught in the hair of his scrotum. I didn’t do a very good job.  The stench of cooking turkey, sweet potatoes and pee found me in the back yard retching up my morning coffee.  Thank God she slept late.

I love my father-in-law.  He thanks me for taking care if him when his mind is good. Otherwise, he dislikes me.  I am the person who won’t let him sit in urine. I won’t give him buttermilk or unlimited sweets.  ( his feet swell and his breathing gets difficult) My weekend mornings suck.  After working long hours on our business we get to go to our farm.  Sounds nice but it’s not.  We are lucky we have someone to take care of my 97-year-old father-in-law most weekdays but even the caregiver needs a break. We are it.

We promised my Father-in-law he wouldn’t go to a nursing home.  We are trying to keep that promise.  The worse thing is that he now wants to go into home but it is too late.  A home would be fun. Cute nurses, people around he wouldn’t have me making him walk.  But if he does we will lose the farm.  The farm; that he wants his grandchildren and great grandchildren to have.  It is too late.

The papers transferring the farm into my husbands name needed to happen five years before nursing home care.  Now if we put him in a nursing home his assets would disappear quickly. $6000 a month goes fast.

Why do I tell you this?  Please talk to your parents. Please think about yourself.  What do you want the end to look like? You can choose.